We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
