What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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