Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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