I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
