you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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