What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
