Please, let me fuck your mom
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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