just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
