can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
