they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
