wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He has the fingertips of a God
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
