Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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