Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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