your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
