Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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