is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
