Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
