i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
