i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
