Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
