apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
