I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There r osticjed everywhere
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
