Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
