If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
