dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
