had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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