they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
