my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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