look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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