U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
