so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
