i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
