Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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