Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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