Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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