think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
