Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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