My Higher Power is John Stamos
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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