i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
