i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
