Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
