I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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