I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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