Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
