So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
