it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize