I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
