My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
