you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize