At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize