Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
