I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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