I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
