Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
do nipples grow back?
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