I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
