every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
