Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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