a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
