you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
