when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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