Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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