i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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