I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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