Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
