And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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