thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
