I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
