i need an iv and a liver transplant
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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