I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
