And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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