Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
