i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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