i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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