I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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