I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
