From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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