We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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