Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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