I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
