You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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